Like all dogs, Tek lived to please and protect her owner. In all her almost 14 years, she never let me down. Even in her last few months she masked her own pain and suffering because it was that important to her. It was up to me to recognize her will to hide it and before she couldn’t hide it anymore. If she had to give up first she would have been devastated and humiliated and felt that she had failed. As her owner, I owed it to her to make sure that those were not her last thoughts.
The hardest email I’ve ever sent was to Dr. Annie. I told her my story and where I thought we were headed. The vet visits were becoming more and more frequent. I didn’t know what to do. I was starting to feel desperate. The panic was setting in. Is this what if feels like when it’s time? She responded with compassion and information. She offered to make a hospice visit if I thought that would help. Turns out that scheduling that visit for the next day was the best thing I could have done. Once I knew Dr. Annie was coming, just to visit, I knew help was on the way and all the pressure was lifted. It cleared my head.
Looking back, the best night I ever spent with Tek was that night before that visit, on the floor in front of the fireplace. As she slept peacefully, I reminisced in my mind with her in my arms about our long rewarding life together. Then about 4am it came to me, it was time, I needed to do this for her despite how painful it was going to be for me. She deserved to go down with dignity and that was my responsibility.
I emailed Dr. Annie again and told her we were ready and that it wasn’t a hospice visit anymore. As gut wrenching as it was, it was on our own terms and I will never have to look back and say that I waited too long. Dr. Annie wrapped her in a warm brown blanket and as she carried her away I wiped the tears from my eyes to see that Tek had never looked more beautiful and at peace than she did at that moment and that is what I will always remember. Without Dr. Annie, those memories of our rewarding life together would have been marred by my own denial and selfishness and I’m grateful that those will not be my last thoughts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Lynn D. Alfieri
Seal Beach