On Monday, August 2, 2010 at 6:45 a.m., I lost my beautiful daughter, Blackie. Most people would look at Blackie as a just a cuddly little mutt, but to me, she was more and will always be more than a dog. She was my child. I had her since she was five weeks old. I watched that adorable little puppy grow into a loving, playful, giving dog. Blackie was 15 years old and nine months when she passed. In the last month of her life, I saw her deteriorate so much. She spent most of her time sleeping and she walked around aimlessly. She would stare with blank expressions at the wall. Gradually, she began to stop eating. I knew the time was near, but I just tried to bury those thoughts. Gradually, it became difficult for her to drink water. She would struggle by her water dish. My greatest fear was that she would suffer in pain and that I would not be there for her when she passed. I didn’t want her to be alone. I knew that she wasn’t getting any better so I made the decision on Sunday that I had to euthanize her. Several months before, I had saw an ad about home euthanasia in the newspaper and that’s how I knew such a service existed. I googled it and found Dr. Forslund. Blackie HATED the doctor’s office. She would always cry as soon as we pulled our car in to the parking lot. She would keep crying until we left. How could I bring her to that place? I wanted Blackie to pass away at home, in her surroundings, and with her mommy holding her.
When I called Dr. Forslund, I could hardly talk. I was in tears, but Dr. Forslund was very compassionate. We made an appointment for Monday at 8 a.m. She told me that if I needed her, I could call her any time. She was there for me 24 hours a day. After that phone call, my heart felt crushed because I knew this was going to be the last night I had with my daughter. I spent the entire Sunday just holding and kissing Blackie. I think she may have felt suffocated by me because I was constantly and literally in her face. I would rub my face against her snout, kissing her over and over again. My tears just fell upon her. I loved her so much, and I prayed that God would give me strength to be there for her.
A part of me questioned whether I was doing the right thing. I never saw Blackie cry in pain. She never showed me any emotion as if she was in pain. She just wouldn’t eat and drink. Her eyes seemed sad, but she was never howling. I tried to get information on the internet on how to know if it was the right time. I was questioning myself, but ultimately, I asked myself two questions. “Is she going to get better?” The answer was, “no”. When it was her time to pass, did I want it to be in a cold office or even if it was at home, did I want her to be alone? The answer was, “no.” I didn’t want to be away at work and Blackie would be alone. 
I think Blackie understood the conflict I was going through. She loved me and didn’t want me to question myself or to feel guilt for the decision I made because strangely, the very last night I spent with her, she began whimpering and howling in pain. I had never seen her do that. I didn’t know what to do. She continued to whimper in pain so then finally, I realized I didn’t want her to suffer so I called Dr. Forslund at 5:30 a.m. asking her to come earlier than our planned appointment. She came within an hour.
My little Blackie Wacky was lying on a pillow. The funny thing is that after I had called Dr. Forslund, Blackie stopped howling. She was telling me something. She just laid very peacefully on the pillow. I feel strongly that by whimpering out loud that very last night, she was telling me to NOT feel guilty. Because of what she did, I knew I had made the right decision. It was strange how she stopped immediately after I called Dr. Forslund.
Dr. Forslund held me as soon as she arrived. She then sat down next to Blackie and spoke to her. She told me to take my time. She never rushed me. I looked in Blackie’s eyes the entire time and wept uncontrollably, and then my baby Blackie went to Rainbow Bridge.
Dr. Forslund contacted me after this to see how I was managing. It really meant a lot to me. She didn’t just do her job and that was it. She cared enough to see how I was because she understood how painful my loss was.
I am so thankful for the service Dr. Forslund provided. My Blackie deserved nothing but the best. I would have done ANYTHING in the world for Blackie. I LOVE YOU BLACKIE AND MOMMY MISSES YOU.
Elizabeth V. Fellows
Fountain Valley